What Self-doubt Isn’t

Posted by Michelle Wong on May 6, 2012 in aha's + light bulb moments, business, inspiration | 2 comments

“I’m not sure I can”.
“I don’t know if I can do this”.
“Who do I think I am?”

Self-doubt.

Something that we’ve all experienced, and can freeze us from taking any action and destroy our self-esteem.

Here’s a secret though: doubt exists only in our mind. It’s not an emotion.

It’s our mind playing tricks on us.

So the next time you experience doubt about yourself or your abilities, understand that it’s really all in your head. You made it up!

What is true though is that doubt can link us back to an emotion: fear.

I found this to be so helpful, as emotions can serve as important indicators and guides. They’re like little antenna that gives us information about certain decisions and actions we’re going to take or not take. So when I can identify the emotion, I have more to work with.

We can experience fear from sensing danger, or, from the discomfort at the idea of doing something outside our comfort zone. So, moving from the level of self-doubt, and recognizing it as fear, can help explain what’s really going on.

So, the next time you get a visit from self-doubt, just remember that and has nothing to do with your abilities and self-worth.
To your vibrant self,
Michelle xo

It’s Not About the How

Posted by Michelle Wong on Apr 16, 2012 in business, goals, inspiration | 0 comments

Over the weekend, I took a walk to enjoy the sunshine that Seattle has been getting lately. During my walk, I decided to take a different path, and explore a bit.

Eventually, I found myself in a different neighbourhood that I’ve never been to before. I actually ventured quite far from where I started, and I was a little concerned as I had no clue how I was going to get back.

Instead of backtracking and getting worried, I was completely opened and curious to what was ahead. I just kept walking and enjoyed the process of exploring.

That walk reminded me of something that we can often forget about:

Trusting the process.

I had no clear idea of how I was going to find my way back. I just knew that it would happen eventually. And really, that’s all that mattered.

It’s the same as when we set goals for ourselves. We set them because it’s something we desire and wish to achieve, not because we know how it’s going to happen.  Achieving our goals is really about having faith in the process, trusting ourselves, and knowing that we will reach them.

We need to let go of the ‘how’.

The ‘how’ can actually appear in so many different ways–completely different than what we had originally planned–that we can’t really plan for it in advance.

If we spend too much time on the how, we can easily get frustrated and give up.

When we have big dreams, it’s easy to get discouraged and want to give up –especially when we don’t see anything happening at the surface. It’s easy to say ‘Well, I tried it and it didn’t work, so I’m going back to being comfortable.”

But thinking that way can limit yourself, as there are still so many different paths to your goals and aspirations. We often just don’t see them yet :).

If you haven’t reached your goal yet:

• Be relaxed about it and keep going
• Don’t give up
• Continue to take thoughtful action steps

Eventually, something will shift and spark new ideas…taking you closer to your goals.

During my walk, I was happy that I got ‘lost’, because I was discovering new paths and areas that I didn’t know of before. It was actually exciting and refreshing. I would’ve never happened upon my adventure if I stayed within my usual, comfortable path.

I eventually did come to a familiar street name that led me back to my neighbourhood (phew!). I was glad I ventured off, and I now have a greater perspective  on what’s around me.

That’s what having faith and trust is all about. It’s not about the ‘how’, but really, setting the intention, and knowing that if reaching your goal is something you’re serious about, you will get there. Just have faith and fun along the way.

Your goal might not happen in the exact time you wish for it to happen (or it might!), but taking action will lead you closer and you’re learning so much along the way.

One wonderful resource is a book called, The Slight Edge, written by Jeff Olson. It’s a great book that expands more on this, and a fun read! I highly recommend it!

Do you have any stories on trusting the process and letting go of the how? I’d love to hear them :)

To your success,

Michelle xo

Taking It Easy

Posted by Michelle Wong on Mar 30, 2012 in aha's + light bulb moments, business, inspiration | 2 comments

[This post is also published on Girl Power Hour]

March has been an interesting month for me. Since moving back to Seattle, I’ve hit the ground running and haven’t really stopped. Even when I had downtime, I would fill it up with busy work, or mindlessly watch TV shows on the Internet to decompress.

I think all that ‘go go go’ eventually caught up to me this month, because I felt drained. My energy was leaking and I couldn’t pinpoint where.

For awhile now, I’ve been wanting to take a half day off and go to a Korean Spa. But I was making excuses not to go -”I can save the money and do something else”, and, “It’s far away” (it’s really only like 20 miles), and, “Traffic stinks in that area” and so, I kept procrastinating.

During tea with 2 of my friends, both kindly told me I looked exhausted. I couldn’t have agreed more. I felt exhausted.

I mentioned to one friend about going to the spa, and she said: “You should totally go! It’s super relaxing, and the scrub is great! Besides, if you don’t take care of yourself, how will you have the energy to focus on your business and support others?”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m a big advocate of “putting the oxygen mask on myself first before assisting others”, and I was doing the opposite.

Within 2 days, I found myself at the Korean spa, and my visit there made a world of difference.

I was really proud that I paid for everything out of my own pocket, versus a gift certificate from someone. To me, it showed that I was taking care of myself and the energy around that felt good.

Here’s the part that is rather ironic…or perhaps not so ironic. After my trip to the spa, the income from my business went up. I’ve made more this month than all the other previous months, and that didn’t show up until after the spa.

It took spending time and care on myself that I was able to receive more in my business. Coincidence? I think not. I believe there is a correlation.

I experienced first hand that it pays to self-care; we don’t need to wait for exhaustion to take a break. It’s important to schedule rest time everyday…and it doesn’t have to be a full day at the spa. Even just lying still for 5 mins can help.

I finally understand the message I so often hear – we need to rest and relax first, in order to grow and expand. I mean, it’s how nature works! It’s in the inhalation –the receiving– that we expand. But in order for that to happen, we need the exhalation–the letting go–to occur as well. Taking a break is just allowing the natural rhythm to happen.

My spa visit was a mini-vacation for myself, and I know people who haven’t taken time off in years due to work, family obligations, lack of time, and so on. When it comes to self-care, I’ve learned this month that it’s so crucial to schedule in the “me” time–everyday. Your well-being, family, work, and life depends on it.

The results from my trip to the spa was so wonderful that I almost considered it as a business expense…but I don’t think Uncle Sam would’ve appreciated that ;)

What can you start doing now in your daily life to relax and allow for your ability to receive? As always, I’d love your thoughts below.

To your brilliant health + success,

Michelle

Expect Criticism?

Posted by Michelle Wong on Mar 6, 2012 in business, goals | 1 comment

Awhile back, before I rolled out my website, I was a bit nervous releasing it to the public. Not because I was putting myself out there, but because of the name I chose: Sassy Sexy You.

The message I wanted to deliver to women is that we have full permission to choose joy, pleasure and step into our own power. To be Sassy and Sexy in your own terms.

But the word sexy has so many different connotations that I reconsidered using it.

On the other hand, I also couldn’t help the fact that my lips would curl into a little smile each time I said the words.

I knew that the name of my website would trigger different reactions and responses from people. I was initially worried about receiving criticism. Of course, I want everyone to love my work.

So, I did entertain the idea of changing the name to something more generic, and in my body, I felt a sense of sadness. Like someone just turned the dial down to zero.

A small voice inside me said – “If you really want to create something you believe in, just go for it!”

So, I stuck with it, and knew that not everyone was going to love my work and I had to be okay with it.

If we succumb to the larger masses in order to appease people and avoid getting hurt,  then we’re living too small.   

Criticism can be hard to take. But I came to the realization that in order to do what I love, I might need to go against the grain.

The key is to not hide from criticism, but to stand firm in your beliefs and understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.

I think it’s really the only way a person can ‘grow’ into their own selves.

When you really believe in something and feel you’re called to do something great, know that you’ll likely receive criticism.

But what’s even more glorious is that if you stick with it anyway and stand by your message, you’ll attract those who will support you and encourage you.

You’ll be inspired by them, and they’ll be inspired by you.

That to me is Sassy and Sexy, and totally worth the while.

To your Sassy Sexy Self,

Michelle xo

At Your Own Time

Posted by Michelle Wong on Feb 16, 2012 in business, goals, Uncategorized | 6 comments

There is a natural tendency to measure our success by comparing ourselves to others. I know that growing up, whenever I got test scores back, I would always want to know how my peers did. Admittedly, it was to see if I received a higher score. Looking back, I wish that instead of trying to boost my ego (or getting it bruised), I’d just appreciated my scores because I knew I studied hard.

When we compare ourselves to others, we will always feel like we’re not measuring up in some form. This creates stress. It puts us in reactive mode, and we make ourselves feel small. I know that when it happens to me, I feel I’m not moving fast enough or I’m not at the level I want to be. Worst, I begin to question my own abilities.

I’ve learned that comparisons like this come from a place of fear and lack rather than of love and abundance.

So, I have a few thoughts:

1. There’s a place for everyone,  and although we’ve generally been brought up to believe that there is lack in the world, the opposite is true. The universe is so vast, and we all have creative minds, I really don’t think we’ll run out of opportunities.

2. It doesn’t help to compare ourselves to others because we don’t see the other side. We don’t see how hard the other person has worked, what their situation was, or what mountains they’ve had to climb to get to where they are today. We just see the results.

3. Comparing ourselves to others stumps our own creativity because we fall into in fear mode, and it contracts us. But when we come from a place of love, there is expansion and abundance. Along with that, many successes to go around.

4. So, instead, we can celebrate other people’s successes, because their success is a sign of where we’d like to be. This shows that we are generous and open to receiving abundance as well.

5. Moreover, where we are is exactly where we need to be, and we get to go at our own pace, at our own time. In Nia dance, this is called “natural time”. We have our own natural rhythms, and our own timing is absolutely perfect.  We don’t need to follow something else’s timeline or measure our success by looking at another’s progress. As long as we are taking action, and taking steps forward, we will get there.

Of course this isn’t always easy, and there will always be some form of comparison. But I find that whenever I get into comparison mode and feel myself contract, I just take a step back and breathe, and remember what my purpose is. It’s not to be better than everyone else. I’m to be of service to others. I get to achieve that my own way, at my own time.

To your own natural time,

Michelle xo

Say Yes

Posted by Michelle Wong on Feb 2, 2012 in life | 6 comments

To:

New possibilities

More joy

Learning something new

Letting go of control

Fully receiving compliments

Your beauty

Spending more time with family and friends

Your desires

Abundance

Your health

Loving yourself

Taking risks

Travelling more

Volunteering your time

Facing fears

Doing something you don’t think you’d like

Saying no’s more often

Dancing like no one’s watching

Laughing more

The road less travelled

Life

YOU

What would you like to say more YES to?

…so what’s stopping you?

Creating Something New

Posted by Michelle Wong on Jan 19, 2012 in goals | 0 comments

We’re almost 3 weeks into the new year. How’s your theme unfolding so far?

I spoke with a friend for the first time yesterday since the start of the year, and wished her a “happy new year”. I laughed as it no longer felt like a new year.

So if that’s the case, are you well into creating your dreams and aspirations that you intended for?

It wasn’t until yesterday, that I became aware that I haven’t been thinking much about my 2012 theme — Growth and Expansion.

I’ve forgotten about it because my old habits kicked in and I lost focus.

Did this happen to you?

Well! The beauty of having a theme is that that you can always connect back to it. For me, the theme serves as my guide so I can use it to evaluate how things are going.

It dawned on me yesterday that I was off track, and since I’m inspired by my theme, I felt motivated to do things differently.

So, I’m in the process of creating a pleasurable new habit and trust that it will break old habits.

I’m starting each day with my new fun morning ritual.

Before doing anything else, I get to:

1. Pray/meditate or journal for about 5-10 mins
2. Drink a cup of water
3. Move my body (ex. Attend a morning Nia class,  do Pilates or Yamuna Body Rolling via videos I have at home)
4. Eat a healthy, low-glycemic, well-balanced breakfast

In that order.

It’s funny because, initially, I saw all of the above as a chore. But after doing this for a several days, I’m now looking forward to carrying it out (well, #1 is the hardest because it requires sitting still :)) because it changes the energy of my day. I feel really good afterwards and am motivated to get things done.

What are you doing to be to be aligned with your theme for this year?

Wishing you much success,

Michelle xo